there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
