even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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