I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
