my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
