I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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