I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
