I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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