I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
