just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
