theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
