Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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