This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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