i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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