These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
