You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
