im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
