You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's the barista slut.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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