you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
