I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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