If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just high enough for therapy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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