Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
