After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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