did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
