put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
...so i touched it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
