How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
