at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
