I think I am morally bankrupt
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
