Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You're like the curious george of whores
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize