Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
