My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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