I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
