Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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