It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
