So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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