I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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