the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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