four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
