Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
