Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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