i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
