I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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