i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
