This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
