Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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