I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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