Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
