Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
