my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
