how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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