i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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