Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
