ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
