R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
