I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
