Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
home. puking in laundry basket.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
