You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
