Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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