I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
