i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
