her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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