i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
