Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
