I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
