You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
