Yo dont text me then not text me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
