In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize