Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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