I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
