I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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