she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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