did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
