at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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